I used to be a heavy coffee drinker, because I could handle the caffeine, and I liked myself being productive.

I started my coffee habit when I was a teenager, just because some articles in Seventeen magazine said coffee could make you slim. Every teenage girls seem to have gone through this diet thing. Our culture says thinness means power, and I hate to admit that I accept this notion, although I do not agree.

During my 3rd year in UBC, I would started off my day with a Starbuck 24oz Venti. It was my little indulgence, a comforting treat from my yucky grades on electromagnetics and a new relationship, both of which brought down my self-esteem to record-low.

While I was working as a co-op at an overly-challenging workplace, I had to down 3 cups of joe every morning to get me through the day. Caffeine calmed me down, cheered me up, gave me the confidence to handle tasks that I felt unequipped with, and also the strength to take on total responsibility on the quality of my work. Afterall, I was in a foreign place, driving a crappy car, constantly intimitated by multiple deadlines, and therefore I needed the external boosts to survive.

There was one Spring Term when I had to code up three programmes, make two presentations, and come up with three reports within one month. I would go to school 7 days a week with a cup of coffee and acid reducer in hand, drink half of the coffee along with half of an acid reducer pill, and work until I could not think anymore. I got through that month and miraculously finish off everything on-schedule.

And finally the day has come: I was working on a journal paper submission day and night using my caffeine strategy to keep me sane. And I had the most dreadful stomach distress in my whole life. After that, I become very very sensitive to coffee or any other caffeinated beverage. Two mouthful of coffee and my heart would beat like crazy. Tea and cola would make me uncomfortably agitated and anxious. Once I drank two small cups of japanese green tea during a sushi dinner, and I couldn't get to sleep until 5am the next morning. I had no idea why my body reacts this way, but I realised that somehow I used up all my quotas for my caffeine consumption.

Farewell, my beloved black venom. I know I am not supposed to drink you, but it shouldn't hurt if I paint you... I guess.